By: Camden Baucke MS LLP
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” – Fred Rogers
In 1968, America was rocked by a string of assassinations. On April 4th, Martin Luther King Jr. was killed, and then Senator Robert F. Kennedy on June 5-6th, 1968.
In the aftermath, many people were looking for answers.
One of the people who stepped up to process the assassinations was Fred Rogers. Fred decided to air an episode with a segment specifically addressing the idea of assassination. Here’s the script of what is said between Lady Aberlin and Daniel Striped Tiger on Mr. Roger’s episode on June 7th, 1968, the day after Robert F. Kennedy’s death.
Daniel Striped Tiger – “There’s something I want to ask you…what does assassination mean?“
Lady Aberlin – “Have you heard that word a lot today?”
Daniel Striped Tiger – “Yes, and I didn’t know what it meant.”
Lady Aberlin – “Well, it means…somebody getting killed in a sort of surprised way.”
Daniel Striped Tiger – “That’s what happens you know, that man killed that other man.”
Lady Aberlin – “A lot of people are sad and scared about it, you know.”
Daniel Striped Tiger – “I’d rather talk about it some other day…”
Lady Aberlin – “Whenever you like.”
Fred Rogers was asked why he decided to cover such a heavy topic with children, and his answer was this:
“I felt that I had to speak to the families of our country about grief…
A plea not to leave the children isolated, and at the mercy of their own fantasies of loss and destruction…
Children have very deep feelings, just the way parents do, just the way everybody does… and our striving to understand those feelings, and to better respond to them, is what I feel is the most important task in our world.” – Fred Rogers
I believe Fred Rogers was right. He saw that in a time of turbulent politics that emotion management was the highest priority. This concept is exactly what we need after what happened last week.
The Charlie Kirk Assassination
All too recently, there are too many talkers and not enough listeners.
Online discourse has suddenly collapsed into a poisonous cesspool of vitriol and verbal aggression.
If you dare open a social media app right now, your feed will be flooded with outrage and condemnation.
If the national status of mental health was on the decline, it just cannon-balled into the deep end. Online hostility can easily exacerbate anxiety and depression.
It’s more important than ever to treat this scenario, and yourself, in an emotionally considerate way just like Mr. Rogers said.
To do so, I’m going to go through this process like I would with someone sitting across from me. I will state the facts, identify commonly held viewpoints, and then provide suggestions for how to best protect your mental health.
Processing The Facts: The Assassination
Charlie Kirk was a 31 year-old American Right-Wing Political activist and media personality.
On September 10th, he was shot in the neck and died while speaking at Utah Valley University.
His death has sparked online debate regarding free speech, violence, and the current state of the nation.
Processing: The Video Evidence
If you were unlucky enough to watch the video of his assassination, I’m sure you have some residual feelings.
Many of you might have accidentally come across the disturbing footage, which may have led to feelings of shock. Exposure to such gruesome material usually requires more consent than it did.
It’s naturally unnerving to watch someone die in such a graphic way. I’ve been in psychology and medicine for some time, seeing and hearing of death, but it has never lost it’s potency. Nor should it.
The video should be disturbing. The outcomes of violence should be rattling. If you witnessed it, please be kind to your mind. Don’t let the images stay, but try to allow them to move on and dissipate from your thoughts.
Chances are, you’re not alone and you are safe.
Processing: The Main Talking Points
In times like these, it’s more important to listen than to talk. If you disagree with someone, that’s permitted, but you must be willing to understand why someone has their own response to what happened.
After spending some decent time reading and listening to multiple people and posts, here are the main arguments I’ve seen. Keep in mind, I’m generalizing the voice of general groups, to which there is plenty of nuance.
For conservative spheres, there is outrage at the death of their champion. Someone who encouraged free speech and open dialogue was killed for their beliefs. To these individuals, the people within their party feel “under attack” due to this violence. For many, they either sanctify Charlie as a holy man who was unjustly murdered, or as a flawed man who was unjustly murdered. Overwhelmingly, the main issue appears to be the murder of someone who spoke their mind.
For Liberal spheres, there is an outrage at the response of the conservative sphere. There is both empathy and apathy for his death. Many individuals express their dislike of Charlie’s rhetoric and mission, yet object to political violence, while others disliked him due to transphobic and racist rhetoric, feeling his death was an unavoidable outcome of his mission. Overwhelmingly, the main issue seems to be the hypocrisy of picking and choosing the sanctity of life, that someone’s life is only worth attention and outrage if they are on “your team”.
This is not an affirmation of either, rather this is an acknowledgment of each. I provide a listening ear to the outrage and reasons for it.
Once you’ve processed the event and consequent perspectives, it’s time to address the current atmosphere.
Acceptance: The Social Aftermath
It’s understandable to feel overwhelmed right now.
Social media is the most volatile it has ever been. Which is one thing to say, but another to explain.
Social media apps like Instagram are run by algorithms best meant to grab your attention. Unfortunately, the creators of these applications understand that distress drives attention. If something enrages you, you will likely spend more time on it, using their app for longer. It’s all a part of the attention economy, a subject taught at universities all across the world.
If you already struggle with anxiety or depression, you might be more likely to use an app like Instagram to block out unwanted thoughts or numb unwanted feelings. However, this haven for distraction is now full of more vitriol.
Right now, there is a common cycle of distress leading to social media use, social media use causing more distress, leading back to more social media use.
Even clicking on the app is enough to start this cycle.
Global Anxiety
If current events weren’t already distressing, the assassin of Charlie Kirk sent it into the stratosphere.
Global anxiety is an echelon above everyday anxiety due to its uncontrollability.
Uncontrollability leads to feelings of insecurity, vulnerability, and fear. Fear, in turn, often leads to feelings of anger and hate.
Hate is often preferable to helplessness, but that doesn’t rationalize it. Too often hate becomes an absolute barrier that blocks all means of effective communication.
Lack of Listening
Communication is not just about speaking, it’s about hearing. Unfortunately, the people you want to persuade right now probably aren’t up to listening.
No one likes talking to a brick wall. If you even let slip the label of your political affiliation, you might receive backlash for not being on the “right team”.
This might make you not want to talk at all. However, something this stressful is too big to keep inside.
Your emotions need to be to be addressed, as Mr. Rogers would say:
“If it’s mentionable, it’s manageable.”
If I see a common thread, it’s fear. Distrust and helplessness transformed into anger and hate.
As Fred Rogers encouraged, managing your emotions is the most important thing right now. Even if you stand by your beliefs, they only stand healthy if you do.
Here are my top 5 ways to protect your mental health in this tumultuous time.
#1 Don’t Indulge in the “Evil They”
Nothing polarizes a people like an ambiguous enemy.
The news cycles right now will be full of finger pointing, usually at specific media personalities, officials, or ambiguous groups of “evil” people they call “they”.
First of all, if you’ve never met these personalities, you have what they call a “parasocial relationship”. You don’t know them and they don’t know you. It’s important to hold famous figures accountable for their influence, but it’s another to feel an emotional closeness to them when there’s no real relationship there at all.
Second, the “evil they” are people that are invisible or cherry-picked. Who is the “left” and the “right”? Supposedly it’s a variety of people with a plethora of beliefs from a range of backgrounds. However, the media tends to curb individuality for the sake of generalization, which better helps them make their impact, which makes you tune in.
Imagine you hear the news anchor say “this specific person believes you shouldn’t own property”. Not a huge effect right? Now, imagine they say “an army of raving lunatics are at war with us”. That will get your attention, which is exactly what they want. Is it inaccurate? Absolutely yes. Is it unhealthy for you to hear this sort of rhetoric? Positively yes.
Does indulging the “evil they” narrative degrade your mental health as well as others? You bet.
The solution is to be accurate. To look for clear evidence linked to specific actions and specific people. You can hold someone accountable, just ensure it’s for what they say, do, or endorse, not just being part of the “evil they”.
#2 Look For the Helpers
The helpers are those who break beyond obligatory anger. Those who don’t feel rage because their preferred news source tells them to do so.
As Mr. Roger’s mother said, the helpers create beauty in a broken world. They are individuals who express or share kindness, compassion, and love.
To be clear, helpers are not teammates. If someone is only helping those on their team, they might be playing God. Creating biased and arbitrary lines between who is deserving of help and who isn’t.
Helpers are recognizable by their interactions with others who both agree and disagree. People who seek to create mutual understanding or heal a distressed nation.
If you focus on the anger, you will probably feel awful. If you focus on the helpers, you might feel empathy, encouragement, or relief. While there’s plenty of political and social personalities benefiting from a nation more divided, it’s crucial to reward the helpers with our attention and admiration for trying to put it back together.
#3 Take a Break from Social Media
Social media really isn’t that good for you anyways.
Right now might be the perfect time to take a break or set limits for yourself.
It’s not burying your head in the sand, it’s actually pulling your head out of the sand for a gasp of fresh air.
Social media apps often make you feel like you’re drowning in a sea of distressing information. No matter who you are, you’re not meant to absorb the current political climate 24/7.
Put the phone down, or even better, put it in a different room. Go outside, touch some grass, read a book. Step away from your phone, do fun engaging activities, and better yet, do them with someone you love.
#4 Connect with People You Trust
As Fred Rogers said, we can’t afford to be isolated from each other right now.
Human connection is a need, not a commodity. It has developed over the course of human history for times such as these.
Community and friendship are going to be your greatest resources. If you trust loved ones, share your anger or anxiety.
Listen to them too, give them a hug, or offer words of encouragement.
We need to come together in times of distress. You may feel nervous to connect with someone when you feel depressed or anxious. However, most loved ones don’t want your idealized version of yourself. They want to spend time with your emotional and messy self.
In messy times such as this, it’s crucial you find others who don’t clean it up, but make you feel loved and supported in the mess.
#5 Address Your Fears & Anger
Fred Rogers priority to understand and “better react” to our feelings is exactly what America needs right now.
Fear is understandable, as well as feelings of helplessness and anticipation. Assassinations are scary and shocking for the nation. Unfortunately, so is the overwhelmingly aggressive response and division.
We know that pain begets pain, but fear often begets fear as well.
It’s a difficult, but not impossible task, to manage your emotions. Accept them, which doesn’t mean you have to approve of them. No one likes to feel negative emotions, but it’s important to listen to them.
To better respond to those emotions, I encourage a range of options. You could treat yourself with compassion, self-soothe and be kind to your emotional experience.
Another is to advocate for your concerns. You can protest or engage in healthy discussion regarding current events.
No matter what, punishing others only polarizes them further. Likewise, punishing yourself for having understandable feelings also leads to feeling horrible.
In times such as these, please take care of yourself.
Panic or rage rarely lead to healthy decisions. Control your feelings to prevent acting out from them.
Take time to understand why you feel the way you do, and choose the next best healthiest option for yourself.
Final Thoughts
Assassinations are startling, no matter how you put it.
As seen in the last week, moments like these provide you with important choices.
Choices to better understand others, understand yourself, and take care of your needs.
If that be boundaries with social media, go for it.
If it’s healthy discourse with those who agree or disagree, go ahead.
Either way, you deserve the opportunity to manage your emotions in a healthy way.
It’s in times like this we should remember Fred Rogers and his famous line:
“I like you just the way you are.”
Reflections 
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