Controlling Anger: Understanding & Managing Emotion

By: Camden Baucke MS LLP

Anger is an interesting emotion. Everyone experiences it at some point and it can yield a wide range of results. Anger is like a heavy hammer that you learn to swing. If used effectively, a hammer can build, just like anger can be used to address unfair treatment or disrespect. On the other hand, unchecked anger, like a wildly swung hammer, leads to devastating outcomes.

While Anger is natural and sometimes necessary, it needs to be wielded responsibly. Uncontrolled anger damages relationships, disrupts effective decision-making, and can wear down your physical health. Understanding and controlling anger is crucial to every role in life. Either at home, in the office, or with friends, the ability to wield anger is key to protecting your mental well-being and sustaining healthy relationships.

What is Anger?

Anger is a complex yet completely natural emotion. The capacity for anger lies within the brain, specifically the amygdala. The amygdala is a piece of the brain responsible for processing emotions and protection against threats. It interacts with another part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex. The prefrontal cortex regulates our emotional responses with decision making and self-control. When the brain is experiencing severe emotions of anger, it activates a cascade of chemical reactions in the body.

When the body needs to get ready for a fight, it needs nutrients. Nutrients are in the blood, so the brain quickly diverts more blood to your muscles. This means your blood pressure rises and your heart rate gets quicker. This reaction is called “fight, flight, or freeze.” You might ask yourself “wait, isn’t that an anxiety thing?” You’d be right, as anger and anxiety are closely connected. Worries can easily turn into frustration, and frustration into full blown anger. While it feels bad to feel angry, it does have a purpose.

What is it For?

Anger, like anxiety, serves as a protective mechanism. It is an emotional messenger letting you know that you are not being treated respectfully or fairly. There are times when this is crucial to your well-being. It’s healthy to feel angry when attacked by a mountain lion, or even when setting boundaries within your relationships. However, when we act inappropriately out of anger, then it can lead to negative consequences.

Let me be clear, feeling anger is not an offense. It is a natural emotion, but acting out of anger is where the trouble starts. Anger is your feeling but your actions are your choices. It’s best for your mental and physical health to learn how to feel anger without acting out of it. You can keep the following options in mind when you are needing to control your anger: Breathe, leave, or heave.

Breathe

Never underestimate the benefits of deep breathing. You can control your anger through controlled breaths. When your brain and body become tense, your breathing often becomes shallow and rapid. Taking a few moments to breathe deeply, 5 seconds in and 8 seconds out, can activate the body’s relaxation response.

If you find yourself crossing the bridge between feeling anger and acting on it, step back and breathe. Relax your eyebrows, roll your shoulders, and take a long slow breath in through your nose. Then, exhale slowly out your mouth and focus on what you think the best action would be.

Leave

We all need a timeout once in a while. Temporarily leaving a tense situation can allow you to calm down and return with a cooler head. Even 10 minutes in a different room is enough time to reduce tension. This also allows you time to compose your thoughts and figure out how you want to continue the conversation.

Leaving doesn’t mean abandoning the situation or the other person, it means exiting the room to recover. It could be a walk outside or finding a separate room to reflect. Only a short pause from a heated debate can allow cooler heads to prevail and prevent any further damage.

Heave

Physical activity is an effective outlet for feelings of anger. Exercise means heaving something small or large to release built up tension and stress. While you should not release your anger on someone, you can release it onto something. It provides a healthy avenue for directing your angry energy.

Physical activities can consist of walking, running, pulling weeds, or cleaning. If you can turn towards productive exercise to cope, then you can experience the benefits of endorphins. Endorphins are the “feel good” chemicals released when you exercise, but they are also known to reduce levels of stress hormones. However, physical activity is not a panacea and it doesn’t solve everything. While you can breathe, leave, or heave the best you can, there is often something at the core of the anger.

Self-Reflection

Coping is meant to give you enough time and space to reflect on what is causing your anger. While not every aggravating situation can be resolved, it is important to address them. If you can process the thoughts behind your anger, you can find the source. When you are taking the time to cope, it would be worth asking yourself:

Why am I angry?

Is it what they said, or is it how they said it?

Is it what I think they meant about me?

Am I triggered by their behavior that resembles how someone else treated me?

Once you are asking these questions, and potentially answering them, you are much more equipped to talk about your feelings. Self-reflection is difficult, especially when you feel angry. However, it is worth the time and effort to truly discover what’s at the center of your emotion. If you learn to understand your emotions, you can continue to reap the benefits of controlling anger.

Conclusion

Anger is like any other natural emotion, but it needs to be controlled. That control begins with feeling the emotion and then finding healthy ways to manage it. Find ways to breathe, leave, or heave so that you can cope with the immediate feelings of anger. Then, take time to self-reflect on the cause of your anger. Discuss this cause with those it involves and try to find a resolution. Communicating your feelings in a constructive manner, rather than impulsively acting on them, can lead to significantly better outcomes.

Want to Learn More?

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