Insecurity: A Guide to Self-Esteem & Well-Being

By: Camden Baucke MS LLP

Insecurities are the monsters underneath our beds. They are the echoes in our consciousness that eat away at our assurance in ourselves, others, and what lies ahead. These can be fears of inadequacy, judgment, and worthlessness. Such expectations create deep emotions of anxiety and sometimes anger. The good news is that managing insecurities is possible, and doing so will not only improve your relationship with yourself but with others as well. In this article, I will provide the basic aspects of insecurities and practical measures you can take to improve your well-being.

The Basics of Insecurity

Insecurities are beliefs deeply rooted into our perception of our self-worth and identity. They can manifest in several areas such as:

• Body image: self-consciousness about one’s physical appearance
• Social situations: Fear of humiliation, rejection, judgment, or conflict 
• Achievement: Doubts about one’s abilities or competence 
• Relationships: Fear of abandonment and difficulty with trust or feeling loved

I want to assure you insecurities are a common experience, and that you are not alone in having them. Much like stress and other internal experiences, we want to be able to manage them so they do not negatively impact our lives. If insecurities bleed into our thoughts and behaviors, then they can result in significant stress, anxiety, and depression. Insecurity presents itself in several areas of mental health including:  

• Self-talk: internal voices of self-doubt, self-criticism, and negative put downs 
• Social Isolation: Fear of judgment that turns into increased avoidance of others
• Perfectionism: High levels of stress and anxiety due to attempting to achieve unrealistic goals
• Self-Esteem: Constant feelings of inadequacy and never being “good enough”

Insecurities can be detrimental to all forms of health including mental, physical, emotional, financial, and relational if not directly addressed. Taking insecurities head on is difficult, but it doesn’t mean they are anymore true. It’s important to have strategies for addressing insecurity, and here are a few to start:

Strategies for successfully managing Insecurities

• Increase Self-Awareness: Develop a curious, non-judgmental, approach to your own life. Pay attention to your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors so that you may learn more about them with an accepting approach. 
• Challenge negative thoughts: Not all thoughts are true or accurate. Take time to sift through which thoughts are distorted and seek to find thoughts that are more accurate to what is actually occurring. 
• Practice Self-Understanding: Provide yourself with the same compassion that you would easily show others. Give yourself the room to make mistakes and learn.  
• Set Boundaries: Boundaries are not offenses, they are fences that protect your mental health. Allow yourself to say no to others and allow them to manage their emotions of disappointment or anger. 
• Find the Positives: Hone your attention to your strengths, your accomplishments, and good people in your life. It doesn’t erase the negatives, but it provides a balance.
• Avoid Comparison: Allow yourself and others to be completely distinct from others. Comparison often leads to envy and/or self-criticism. Prioritize your own journey without the need for any external validation. 

Self-Acceptance: The Last Hurdle

Insecurity is difficult, but it can be overcome. This question to your value can be internally answered. You can accept your entirety, perceived flaws and all, and still recognize that you have an inherent value free from performance or expectations. 

Please take your time and remember that this is no small journey. Conquering insecurities and developing self-acceptance takes time and requires you to be patient and gentle with how you treat yourself. This includes how you feel and how you think about your successes and your failures. 

Your life can change when you develop a strong foundation of self-value underneath your performances rather than on top of them.

Want to Know More?

If you’re interested in a therapy journey of your own, click to greatlakesmentalhealth.com for more information

Better Begins Today!