By: Camden Baucke MS LLP
It may sound peculiar that anger is still valuable in a furious world.
Anger itself has been villainized.
In response, many people believe that it’s a “bad” thing to feel “bad“.
And when you deny yourself an emotion you’re biologically meant to feel, you rarely learn how to manage it.
Even worse, you could never learn what anger is trying to tell you – it could be a very important message.
Anger is like an everyday tool, so it’s crucial that you learn how to use it.
But if you deny yourself your own biological bodyguard, you can sink into a painful normalcy.
One that traps anger until it eventually bursts out, gasping for breath.
The next time you’re on the verge of crashing out, I really want you to ask yourself the question:
Is this a crash out – or – is this a moment of furious clarity?
What is a Crash Out?
For those of us born before the year 2000, a crash out is a slang for when someone gets really upset, angry, and possibly loses control.
It’s become somewhat of a comical phrase, but it’s less than humorous to whoever is crashing out.
Now, a crash out is when someone’s anger becomes so intense that it causes loss of personal control.
I’m not just talking about slightly raising voices, but physical or verbal aggression. .
Now, a flight of rage is not an irregular thing. I’m sure you have felt the temptation to “crash out” once in a blue moon.
However, crash outs might not just be tantrums of the immature – they might be moments of clarity.
Why Might Anger Be Clarity?
Sometimes, anger is something that appropriately fits the situation.
An abused partner might rightfully feel angry, but suppress it because they might see their reaction as “mean“.
Your coworker might be consistently harassed at work, but she might restrain her rage under a fake smile.
Suddenly, these folks might burst with anger, expressing the total weight of their outrage.
Now, while you might reel back and believe it’s a crash out, it might actually be a moment of clarity for them.
They are done being abused and harassed – they are no longer going to tolerate awful treatment.
In my perspective, they are standing up for themselves because they realize they deserve better.
That is not a moment of shame and immaturity – it’s a defining moment of clarity and self-advocacy.
How Do I Tell the Difference?
While I say anger is important, what I am NOT saying is that a furious life is a pleasant one.
While anger is not “bad” to feel, it almost always feels bad – before, during, and after.
Crashing out and angry moments of clarity can be separated by one defining feature:
Normalcy
A crash out can be a response to any singular event or inconvenience.
In contrast, a furious moment of clarity is something that breaks habits and norms.
It isn’t from a single frustration, but from years and months of a normalcy that hurts too much to sustain.
If you’re in a relationship, mistakes happen and you’re allowed to be irate. However, if a partner’s poor decisions become a habit, or they become more intensely insulting, you might have an anger-fueled moment of clarity.
Your pain or mistreatment should NOT be normal, and it’s okay to be mad about it.
Final Thoughts
Anger is a normal and natural emotion.
However, how you manage it determines if you are crashing out or having a moment of clarity.
If you crash out too often over menial inconveniences, then it’s time for some anger management.
If you have an angry moment of clarity, then it’s time to disassemble what is normal for a better future.
Because if you can establish a healthier normal, you’ll probably live a healthier life.
Reflections 
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