By: Camden Baucke MS LLP
If you want your life to change, but you don’t want to think differently, then nothing will change.
Too often, we can be desperate for change within the boundaries of what we want, not what we need. It would be like wanting a different apartment within your complex, but you really need to leave the city altogether.
As a therapist, many people seek our services to fix a problem. However, they often leave therapy having treated a different issue than what they initially thought was broken. That’s not by accident. Therapy is not just for pats on the back and listening to the issue of the week. It’s for real and deep change, but it takes constant effort. Something that is less appetizing when you think you’re only a few tips and tricks away from a better life.
Open-mindedness is necessary for change. Let me be clearer, open-minded towards what you are not open towards is the epitome of open-mindedness. Only too often people are willing to learn what’s in the scope of what they think they should learn. Open means entertaining the possibility of anything, especially what’s beyond your experience or comprehension. A good therapeutic experience depends on this. If you block any potential answers, you won’t allow a door to be open long enough for you to walk through it and see what amazing things could be on the other side.
In this article, we’ll discuss what openness is in therapy, in life, and ways to broaden your mind to find a new way of healthy living.
Psychotherapy is Change
A good therapist is a firm, yet warm, challenger. They’re not challenging you, you’re on their team. A therapist wants to stand side-by-side as you address the challenge of your thought patterns. Thought patterns are not always true, but that’s often not your fault.
Most of the time, certain ways of thinking are like programs in a computer. If a program is not working well, you don’t blame the computer, you take the time to fix the program. In therapy, we don’t fix broken people or provide quick fun tips on how to be less traumatized. We work with, alongside, and together to challenge what thought patterns might be causing you any distress.
Most of the time in therapy, we address 3 major perceptions: Of you, of others, and of the world. For each of these, they have a baseline you’ve likely gotten used to. You probably have a “normal” view of yourself that you haven’t challenged before. The same goes for others and the world. Each of these perspectives can lead to psychopathology, meaning they need to change for you to start feeling better. However, that change can fight against what you think is normal, and that’s where open-mindedness is necessary.
What is Open-Mindedness?
Open-mindedness is defined by a nonjudgmental and willing approach to new ideas.
It means that just because you don’t already know or understanding something, that it could be any less real. Just because you might not agree with it or latch onto it immediately doesn’t mean it’s less valid.
For example, take vegemite. For those who haven’t had it, it is a yeast spread from the land down under. According to my taste-buds, it takes like congealed soy sauce. However, I know that a country full of wonderful people love it. So what’s stopping me from loving it as well? Over time, I tried vegemite more and more and actually found myself a fan. Open-mindedness is the same. You don’t knock a food just because it doesn’t immediately comply with your palate. You can find a way for it to be delicious.
In therapy, hard truths are like vegemite. Repulsing to the soul, but eventually healthy and tasty. The hard part is getting it in. But if you can become more comfortable with something you might need or would enjoy, then therapy can be a much better experience.
3 Steps to Open Your Mind
This isn’t a cure-all, but it’s a basic outline of how you can open your mind even more. If you can learn to expand your perspective, you can make learning opportunities, like therapy, much easier for yourself.
1. Find Contradicting Views
Actively engage with views that you don’t agree with or aren’t familiar with. Read books from authors you disagree with, have respectful conversations with people from different backgrounds, or explore things you’ve never tried to understand before. How you treat what you don’t know or disagree with can determine how open-minded you are.
Similarly, look for the antithesis to what you do believe and perceive. For example, in therapy a common brain teaser is “can bad people do good things and good people do bad things?” This implies that some internal rules might be more rigid than originally thought. Another example is “do you need to be kind all the time to be kind?” This doesn’t mean everything could be false. It’s critical thinking about what has the potential to be true.
2. Practice Curiosity & Possibility
When you encounter something unfamiliar, replace “That’s wrong” or “That’s weird” with “I wonder why?” This creates space for understanding instead of defensiveness. A question with the desire to know more is ultimately more healthy than flat out rejection. You’re allowed to evaluate anything you want, but an open mind allows for finding why someone might see it differently.
In therapy, we provide insights. We take all the information you throw our way, integrate into research, theory, practice, conceptualize it, and throw back to you. This is where open-mindedness matters most. Give insight an opportunity to be true, let it sink in, and spend some time thinking about how it could apply. However, your feedback is crucial because it is your life after all.
3. Reflect & Integrate
You can keep a journal where you process what you’ve learned, how it shifts your thinking, and how it affects your worldview. Again, you don’t have to accept anything at face value. But to be open-minded, you must not deny anything at face value.
Block off some time for reflection. Try to integrate different ways of thinking. This doesn’t mean committing to a new and huge idea. It’s just like a changing room at the store. You don’t have to purchase something, you can try it on. grab a whole bunch of contradictory ideas and try them on for size. Wear it, see what fits, what doesn’t, and move on.
Can I Disagree with My Therapist?
Yes, you absolutely can. We’re mental health professionals, not soothesayers. Therapists are people too and when it comes to seeing what’s going on in your brain, we can only catch a glimpse. Feel free to disagree with your therapist, respectfully.
Therapy is much like brainstorming. We have the training, education, and experience, and you have first hand knowledge of your life. Working together, we want to find what’s accurate and what’s not. Sometimes accurate is less comfortable, abnormal, but exactly what you’ve needed. Open-mindedness is what allows that new truth to take effect and potentially improve your life.
Final Thoughts
Open-mindedness isn’t easy. It takes time, patience, and effort. A closed-mind is an easy option, but a self-defeating one. Therapy is change, it’s a challenge to all the thoughts that result in mental anguish. It’s a lack of judgment, a curiosity, and a willingness to expand beyond what you know. Find contradicting views, try them on for size, but nonetheless treat them with respect. Therapy is brainstorming with someone on your team. It takes time to trust what a therapist might say, let alone what would change if they’re right.
Reflections 
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