Mental health is difficult to navigate on your own, but even more so when it impacts someone you love. When your partner is experiencing mental health struggles, it undoubtedly brings challenges and emotional complexity to the relationship. To support them, you are tasked with balancing compassion and healthy boundaries. Navigating these waters is often overwhelming, but you are not alone. By educating yourself, practicing open communication, and finding a healthy balance, you can become a strong source of support. This article will guide you through the steps of supporting a partner with mental health concerns while sustaining your own well-being.
Step #1: Losing the Stigma
Stigma is the first hurdle to overcome in supporting your partner’s mental health. This includes reducing stigma for your partner, yourself, and for everyone else in the world. Your partner is not an exception, they exist in a larger community of people suffering from mental health issues. While mental health awareness has grown, misconceptions and judgments about these communities persist. Isolation, shame, and internalized negative beliefs are created through stigma. If you wouldn’t want any of those consequences for your partner, then it’s best to address your own judgments.
It all starts with listening and learning. Begin by educating yourself about mental health in general. Research conditions that your partner experiences, either that be anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, etc. Understand that these conditions are not character flaws but legitimate health conditions that require support, treatment, and empathy. Mental health concerns should be treated with as much attention and care as physical health. By doing so, you can eliminate feelings of guilt or resentment and create an open space for honest communication.
Step #2: Learning the Condition
Now that you’ve overcome the stigma of mental health, it’s time to study the specifics. Understanding your partner’s mental health condition is key to providing good support. Each mental health condition has its own set of symptoms, triggers, and treatment. Taking time to learn about the specifics of your partner’s condition can provide you insight into what they feel and what they need. Just the act of doing so lets your partner know you are invested in understanding their situation.
It’s best to start your research using credible sources such as medical websites, books, or podcasts. In addition to knowing the details of a condition, it’s important to listen to your partner’s personal experience. Everyone’s symptoms might fit within a similar diagnosis, but they can also be unique to your partner’s situation. Building your knowledge about their symptoms and triggers can help you adjust your expectations. Their behaviors may appear odd or frustrating, but knowledge can provide you with an understanding outside of your own personal experience. This understanding fosters patience, empathy, and a deeper connection between you and your partner.
Step #3: Planning Accordingly
A better understanding of your partner’s mental health condition allows you to be proactive with your support. Once you have a clearer picture of their challenges, it’s time to consider it when planning your routine. This doesn’t mean you should drastically overhaul your life, but small considerations can make a big difference.
For example, if your partner struggles with social anxiety, you might want to consider the details of your social plans. This does not mean deleting all social events from your calendar. It means being aware that your partner might be tired more quickly, and you will need an easy exit strategy. Another example is if your partner has PTSD and triggers surrounding a traumatic event. To be supportive, you can learn their triggers and plan experiences where they can feel more comfortable and less reminded of their trauma. Whatever condition they might have, flexibility and empathy are key. Remember, conditions like social anxiety and PTSD are something to be treated in therapy. Your role is to be a supportive partner, not a therapist.
Step #4: Maintaining Accountability
Support for your partner’s mental health does not mean accountability goes to the wayside. Mental health conditions do not give anyone a blank check to engage in harmful behavior, nor should it be a pass to escape responsibility for hurting others. Yes, mental health conditions require patience, but there is an important balance to be struck.
On one hand, you have patience and understanding that your partner’s behaviors are influenced by their mental health condition. On the other hand, you are still negatively impacted and it damages your mental health. Whether it be verbal outbursts, canceling plans, or neglect of responsibilities, it’s important to discuss these issues calmly and patiently, but address them nonetheless.
The key to this balance is communication. Conversations and boundary setting should be considerate, yet firm. For example, you can say something like “I understand that you’re feeling very anxious right now and that’s awful, but when you lash out it hurts me too.” This way you are addressing the behavior, not a character trait or your partner’s whole being. Your partner did not create the mental health condition that hurts them. However, boundaries and accountability ensure that you protect your mental health as well as your partner’s.
Step #5: Maintaining Honesty
While you can be as patient as you can, you are not an endless and invincible source of support. It’s important to acknowledge how your partner’s behaviors impact you. You care deeply for your partner and you don’t want them to feel even worse on your account. However, bottling up your emotions for the sake of “keeping the peace” can lead to resentment. It’s important to be honest about how you feel, yet it’s equally important to say it in a way that doesn’t make your partner feel like a burden.
To be honest with your partner you must be honest with yourself. Are you feeling frustrated, fatigued, or unsupported? Once you discover how you feel and why, it’s time to gift wrap that thought for your partner. This means still delivering the content of your thoughts, but doing so in a considerate and respectful manner. For example, instead of telling your partner “you always cancel our plans and you’re the worst” you might say “I’ve noticed we have had to cancel many plans recently, and that has been very difficult for me.” Even a small considerate shift in how you share difficult feelings can improve trust and transparency. Feedback is not the issue, it’s how you give it.
Remember that support is not always sacrifice. Taking good care of yourself means you get to better support your partner. Ensure that you are engaging in self-care as well as you are advocating for your own needs and boundaries. It’s not uncommon to need your own therapy if your partner struggles with mental health. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you don’t have to do it alone. A therapist can help you navigate your emotions and collaborate with you to create healthy ways of supporting you and your partner.
Conclusion
Supporting a partner with mental health challenges requires patience, compassion, and advocacy. Not just for your partner, but for yourself as well. By overcoming stigma, educating yourself, planning appropriately, and finding the balance between understanding and accountability, you can support your partner and yourself.
Please remember that honest and open communication is the key to sustainable support. It’s okay to be truthful about your feelings, to set boundaries, and to seek professional help. At the end of the day, supporting your partner while caring for yourself leads to a strong and resilient relationship.
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