3 Tips to Ease the Pressure of Parenting

By: Camden Baucke MS LLP

As National Parent’s Day approaches on July 28th, it’s essential to take a moment to talk about the journey of parenting. As you prepare for the weekend, take some time to reflect on the pressure of parenting. It is an important job, but no one is born an expert. It’s a challenge that requires continuous learning, patience, and self-care. Here are three tips to help ease the pressure of parenting while protecting your mental health.

#1 Give Yourself Some Grace

Parenting is not a normal skill. Typical skills, like hitting a baseball, can be practiced over and over. You could have years of experience and consistent examples of what to do. Parenting, on the other hand, only provides you with one, or potentially a few, direct experiences with family atmosphere. It’s common to shape your family atmosphere to resemble the one you grew up with, intentionally or not. Unfortunately, you might have not been given a great example. You might struggle with overcoming your past to make the home you want, in addition to the world of challenges that come with raising children. If you feel unprepared or overwhelmed with parenting, it’s time to give yourself some grace.

It’s hard. You are sacrificing your youth for the health and well-being of your children. Along with adversity comes doubt. You might be questioning some aspect of your parenting, worried that you will “mess up” your child. For example, you might be struggling to find the balance between leniency and strictness. You might be questioning the level of support you’re giving and if it is what your child needs in their current stage of life. Doubts will arise in parenting, that is why it’s crucial to give yourself some grace. Take a moment to internalize the fact that mistakes don’t make bad parents, it makes you human and it is vital to acknowledge them.

#2 Embrace Mistakes

You don’t stop being a person when you become a parent. You bring everything with you, including insecurities, anxiety, past mistakes, etc. Mistakes are inevitable in parenting, but how you manage them can significantly impact your child’s psychological health. Taking accountability for a mistake is paramount, but so is giving yourself some understanding. Admitting your mistakes and remedying any damage done is not only healthy for you as a person, but also healthy for you as a parent. Your child will notice how you treat yourself and learn to do the same for themselves. If you learn to embrace mistakes and continue to treat yourself with kindness, then you are modeling a healthy mindset. It teaches your child that it’s normal to make errors, it’s good to take accountability, and that a single mistake is not the end of the world. You can move on from conflict and negative feelings.

Anger and anxiety, if not well-managed, can be dangerous to a parent-child relationship. For example, if you lose your temper or let anxious frustration take control of your actions, then a child can feel helpless and hurt. Embracing your mistakes means calming yourself, apologizing, and discussing what happened. It’s easier said than done, but doing so demonstrates the importance of self-control and making amends. It teaches children that feeling emotions is not a problem, but acting out of them can be. Setbacks are a natural part of life, but with self-compassion and honesty, you can embrace your mistakes and start to be the parent you want your child to have.

#3 Prioritize Sustainability

Parenting can be all consuming. Your kids need love, meals, transportation, doctor’s visits, toys, cleanup, and more. Meanwhile you toil away providing your child with all of these, it’s important to remember your own health. Taking care of yourself is crucial because you are the vehicle that carries your child through life. If the tires pop, the engine dies, or you just run out of gas, then the vehicle breaks down and limits what you can do for your family. Self-care in parenting means finding and fighting for time, even if it is only 5-10 minutes a day. This could be a hot shower, reading a book, or just sitting in silence. Self-maintenance is crucial when meeting the demands of parenthood.

Self-care promotes sustainable parenting and sets a healthy precedent for your children. By watching your example, they can learn the importance of taking care of themselves and meeting their needs. Parenting is a several decade-long marathon, and it needs to be sustainable for your mental health. A psychologically healthy parent facilitates a healthy atmosphere at home. A healthy atmosphere at home makes the difficulties of parenting a little easier, and creates a happy and safe environment for your family.

Conclusion

Parenting can often feel impossible. However, please remember that it’s impossible to be a perfect parent. You weren’t a perfect person before having kids, you sure won’t be after. That’s why it’s important to give yourself some grace, parenting is naturally difficult and draining. When you do make mistakes, turn and embrace them. Accountability keeps you honest with yourself and trustworthy to others. Finally, engage in self-care. It’s not indulgent, it’s necessary to sustain your mental health while you try to sustain the life of your children. Also, please remember that parenting is not a path you have to walk alone. It truly takes a village to raise a child, and needing some help does not mean you are a bad parent. Please reach out to loved ones or friends when you need to vent, if you need a few hours of babysitting, or you need any sort of small favor. You don’t need to do this alone, and you can release yourself from the pressure to be a perfect parent. From there, you might find yourself being the parent you always wanted to be.

Want to Know More?

If you’d like to learn more about mental health or explore therapy for yourself, please visit Greatlakesmentalhealth.com for more information.