Starting Therapy with Social Anxiety: Addressing Common Concerns

By: Camden Baucke MS LLP

Beginning therapy can be daunting, especially for anyone struggling with social anxiety. The thought of opening up to a stranger can amplify any anxiety or hesitation you already experience. However, you are not alone and this barrier can be overcome. This article aims to address the common concerns someone with social anxiety might have when considering or starting therapy. It will also offer reassurance and practical advice to help you get in the door.

Understanding Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is a mental health condition characterized by a significant fear of social situations and being judged or scrutinized by others. This fear makes everyday interactions challenging, leading to avoidant behaviors that slowly degrade your quality of life. Social anxiety can lead to isolation, and while you are safe from judgment, you are alone. When considering therapy, all of these feelings come into play. Not only is it what you talk about in therapy, but it directly applies to your interactions with the therapist.

Meeting Someone New

The hardest part of starting therapy with social anxiety is simply meeting your therapist. The prospect of speaking with a stranger about deep and private thoughts can be a considerable barrier to seeking help. While it can be an overwhelming task, the reward is in the results. Therapy is effective for treating social anxiety, and this is in part due to therapists’ training to create a safe and nonjudgmental environment. The first session is called an intake, and it does not represent the collaborative nature of therapy. It is an opportunity to provide your therapist with a history of your concerns while also determining if they will be a good fit for you. It’s a time for you to assess whether you feel comfortable with the therapist, without any pressure.

The Danger of Self-Expression

Opening up about your thoughts and feelings can be particularly challenging with social anxiety. A fear of judgment or rejection may hold you back from expressing yourself. However, that level of disclosure is where the most effective work is done. Please remember that therapy is a judgment-free zone. Therapists are there to listen, support you, and help you better understand why you feel what you feel. They understand that building trust takes time and sessions will move at a pace that feels comfortable for you. Self-expression is difficult with social anxiety, but it is a brave act to let your therapist know more about your life. In turn, you will reap the benefits of your honesty and potentially see that your emotions and thoughts are worth listening to.

Embarrassment for Having Issues or Feelings

Many people with social anxiety feel embarrassed about their issues or emotions, fearing they are not “normal.” This embarrassment can be a barrier to seeking help, as therapy is centered around exploring difficult thoughts or feelings. Please remember that everyone has struggles, and it is completely normal to seek help. Again, your sharing of your internal experience does not mean you are “crazy” or “insane.” Instead, it means you feel pain. Pain that deserves to be seen, respected, and treated. Starting therapy is hard, but so is living a life full of pain and anxiety. You don’t have to tell your life story all at once or right away. Therapy is a gradual process of learning to trust your therapist while becoming more comfortable with sharing your internal experiences.

Perceived Admission of Brokenness

If you feel socially anxious because you think you are “a problem” then going to therapy can inadvertently appear as a confirmation. However, problematic symptoms are something you feel, not something you are. If you seek therapy to address psychological pain, then you are not abnormal. Even before you meet with a therapist, it’s important to reframe this misconception. Feeling bad does not mean you are bad. Feeling abnormally high levels of anxiety does not prove the existence of a broken person. You are likely experiencing pain because of something that happened to you, not because of you. Please remember that seeking help is a courageous and proactive step towards improving your mental health. It does not mean that you are flawed; rather, it signifies your strength and commitment to living a better life.

Worrying About the Therapist

If you experience social anxiety, it’s more than likely you would describe yourself as a people pleaser. As a people pleaser, you are used to putting the emotional needs of everyone else above your own. This often appears in therapy, where someone with social anxiety will focus on the emotions or personal reactions of the therapist. Therapy is not for therapists, it’s for clients. If you meet with a therapist, that is your time. If you can maintain a focus on your own emotions, thoughts, and needs, then a therapist can effectively support you. You might be nervous about the therapist’s reaction to what you say, but that is what they’re trained for. They go to school for years and years followed by practicums and internships to appropriately handle the heaviest topics you can share. If you can allow yourself to focus on your experience, it will often lead to better outcomes.

As a Reminder

1. Therapists are Trained with Your Comfort in Mind: Therapists understand that building trust takes time and effort. They will patiently work with you to create a warm and safe space.
2. Intake Sessions Are Introductory: The intake session is about getting to know each other. For the therapist, they will be getting to know your biggest concerns and relevant history. Meanwhile, you will be determining if they are a good fit or not.
3. Therapy is a Judgment-Free Zone: Therapists are trained to listen, support, and brainstorm with you about your life. Your feelings and experiences are valid, and if something is important to you, it will be important to your therapist.
4. Seeking Therapy is a Sign of Strength: Going to therapy is a healthy act of self-advocacy. I encourage you to not wait until your symptoms get to their worst to seek help.
5. The Focus is on You: Therapy is your time to focus on your needs and well-being. A therapist is professionally trained to put your experience at the center of every session.
6. Progress Takes Time: Building trust and opening up often takes multiple sessions, and that’s okay. Move at a pace that feels comfortable for you, and a therapist will honor that pace.
7. You Are in Control: You can always share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. At any point in time, you have the right to say “no” to your therapist.
8. Your Feelings Are Valid: Whatever you are experiencing is important. Therapists are trained to see that importance and help you navigate your emotions.
9. It’s Okay to Feel Nervous: Feeling anxious about starting therapy is normal. Remember to acknowledge your feelings and take it one step at a time.

Conclusion

Starting therapy with social anxiety can be challenging, but it is also a significant step towards a better life. By addressing these common concerns and understanding what to expect, you can approach therapy with greater confidence and openness. As a therapist who treats social anxiety, I can tell you that seeking help is an act of courage. It is always difficult to meet a stranger, get to know them, and start sharing details of your life all within 60 minutes. However, the risk is worthwhile. The prize could be a quiet mind and the confidence that allows you to live the life you want.

Want to Learn More?

For more information about mental health or starting your own therapy journey, click on this link to learn more!