Time to Say Hi – The Gateway to Beating Social Anxiety

By: Camden Baucke MS LLP

Hi there reader! Today is National “Say Hi” day, a time to greet neighbors, strangers, and everyone in between. However, saying hi to a stranger can be intimidating, especially if you are socially anxious. This fear can lead to avoiding people in general, which causes immediate and long term consequences for your mental and physical health. Saying “hi” won’t fix everything, but it is the first step to meet others and open the door to better days ahead. In this article, we will cover the basics of saying “hi” and how it can open the gateway to a less socially anxious life. Let’s start with how we frame social exposure in therapy settings.

First Step of Exposure Therapy

There is a reason why social anxiety is also named social phobia. The fear is always surrounding a certain place or people, which is then avoided or endured with extreme distress. For example, most people are aware of arachnophobia, or the fear of spiders. This means wherever there’s a room with a spider in it, you won’t dare enter that room. However, we treat phobias, like arachnophobia, with an evidence-based method called gradual exposure or exposure therapy. This is where you slowly become more comfortable with spiders due to increased exposure to them. It starts with just speaking about spiders, then seeing pictures of spiders, all the way to potentially holding a spider. This is similar to what we do with social anxiety. With small steps, you can come to be more comfortable in social settings.

It’s important to remember that the lesson of exposure therapy is that not all feared animals or people are dangerous. The lesson is NOT that everything or everyone is safe. However, you can’t ever make new friends if you’re not willing to determine who is who. The safest option is to never make any friends and never go outside. However, if you want to live, not just survive, that means taking a risk to make some friends. Taking a chance is important, and it all begins with a basic “hi.” This may seem daunting, but there are some skills you can implement on National Say Hi day to improve your comfort in social settings and boost your confidence.

5 Tips for Good Greetings

If you plan on breaking through social anxiety and saying “hi” to someone, it will feel much easier being prepared. Here are a few important skills to use when you greet somebody on National Say Hi day:

1. Just breath
   • Anxiety can make us hold our breath like we’re preparing to get punched in the gut. Keep a mental note to take deep breaths before and while greeting someone.
2. Maintain eye contact
   • One of the most important points of connection with someone is eye contact (in Western/USA social culture). It lets someone know you are interested and listening!
3. Smile with your whole face
   • It’s often easy to hunch your shoulders, squint your eyes, and turn away if you are socially anxious. Be brave and let those shoulders relax, open your eyes, and dare to smile directly at whoever you’re greeting.
4. Use reflective listening
   • If you’re interested in connecting with someone, or just saying hello, then reflective listening can make that happen! This consists of nodding and affirmative statements like “yea, sure, okay”
5. Initiate & End
   • Greetings are a leap of faith. Take charge and let someone know they’re being greeted. On the opposite end, it’s also a great idea to act assertively and end a conversation. While you might be afraid it will offend someone, it actually provides structure and might take away their stress of needing to end the conversation!

How They Might React

If you take a chance to greet someone, you will probably experience a range of outcomes. You might say “hi” to someone, and they might reciprocate with their own “hello.” However, they might not reciprocate and just keep walking. The worst possibility would be that they become upset or irritated. While all of these are possible, and some of them distressing, it’s important to learn how to treat yourself after making a first impression.

Ruminating can be a serious issue after making a first impression. It is where your brain goes back in time to the event, and then endlessly picks it apart to find anything you did wrong or what you could have done better. For a start, once your greeting is over, accept that it is over and let it lie. Our first impressions are sometimes important, yet much of the time they are not permanent.

If you greet someone on national “say hi” day, then congratulations on taking a huge leap! If the connection is superficial, that’s okay because not all greetings are meant to be deep. If you connect on a deeper connection, that is wonderful as well! If they seem indifferent, that’s okay, maybe they have a stressful day and they’re not in a great mood. If they become irate at you, then that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own management of their emotions. Anything can happen, but the value is in your effort.

The Risk is worth the Reward

Friendships are one of the most meaningful experiences we have in life. They also start out as strangers we come to trust. We start to trust them after our first greetings, which typically start with a “hi.” Going out of your way always poses a risk with a cloud of unknown outcomes. However, that cloud of ambiguity hosts more than just negative opportunities. Within that ambiguity are also wonderful opportunities to make connections that can last for a lifetime. Laughs, hugs, memories, and positive feelings with good friends can start with a simple “hi.”

Your happiness and social health are worth taking a chance on.

Want to Know More?

If you are interested in learning more about mental health or are considering a therapy journey of your own, please greatlakesmentalhealth.com to start today!