By: Camden Baucke MS LLP
How do you know when to call a timeout?
How do you know when you need a moment away from someone mid-argument?
Communication is important, but so is knowing when to stop. Stopping a conversation does not mean losing or quitting, but it means that your current trajectory is not leading anywhere productive for you or the person you’re speaking to. Some arguments may become too heated to be useful, and they require time to cool so that the content of the discussion can be addressed with level heads.
Anxiety can be a barrier in stopping a conversation, as it might urge you to resolve the situation so that you may finally relax. However, if your aim for an argument is to get it out of the way, then it’s worth contemplating what your priorities are for the conversation. A break is often necessary for difficult topics, and it requires the consideration of two key aspects of communication:
1. Emotion
2. Awareness
To know when you need a break is an awareness of the current situation. It’s recognizing who is angry, how angry, what is making them/you angry, and if the path of conversation is no longer fruitful. This does not mean that neither party shouldn’t feel angry, it means that a break is needed when anger overwhelms the conversation and leads to statements meant for dealing damage instead of sharing perspectives or finding solutions. This awareness of your own struggle to manage your emotions is a sign of humility and consideration of the sake of an argument. A top phrase that can help a relationship flourish, especially during difficult discussions is:
Phrase #3:
“I Need to Step Back for a Second”
(Emotion + Awareness)
The statement “I need to step back” is like the phrase “I feel” because it is a recognition of the intensity of your emotions, and your awareness of them then leads to a helpful action. It’s true that conflict can flare our tempers to the point of rational thought being tossed out the window. Conversation without respectful give and take can easily lead to damaging words that can sting for years to come. To avoid these situations, you must be aware of your mind and body. When you feel your head become hot and your chest pounding, it’s probably time to take a step back.
Taking a step back from a conversation does not mean tabling the subject forever. It means that the conversation can continue to be productive under calmer circumstances. During your argument, you are free to feel angry and/or upset, but it’s a warning sign to see those emotions start to modify the words you use and the tone in which you’re speaking. The phrase “I need to step back for a second” gives yourself time to let your words truly reflect your experience in a productive manner. Using this phrase is a great sign of humility, managing your emotions, and being aware of which actions would best serve the wellbeing of everyone involved.
As a note, taking a step back from a conversation due to an overflow of anger is not the same as stepping back from a conversation because one party is having trouble taking accountability for their actions. It’s a thin line to manage, but if you recognize yourself becoming flooded with anger, take a chance with a timeout. With cooler minds come better discussions, with better discussions come increased understanding and connection with each other. With increased connection comes authentic and flourishing relationships.
Thank you For Reading!
If you are interested in addressing your own communication, relationships, or feelings of anger or anxiety, feel free to visit greatlakesmentalhealth.com for further information on starting your own therapy journey.
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